...I'm caught between laughter and... well, more laughter, I suppose.

My reputation continues to follow me through the years.

So I bit that guy's lymph node in half? He told me where to bite and how hard to bite and I did.
So I left bite marks all over that other guy's penis when I convinced one of my female friends it would be a good idea for the both of us to go down on him? He liked it.
So I broke that that one guy's nose on my pubic bone? He had a big nose.
And when the other guy pulled a muscle in his thigh and was down and out, that wasn't at all my fault. He was in control of the positioning. Sure, he was an acrobatic performer and in top shape, but still...


And then I get a text from someone in that social circle.

"What are you doing this weekend?"
"I'm going to -----. You as well?"
"Yeah. Having a BBQ on Sunday, a bunch of my bros will be there. You should come."
"Stop whoring me out to your friends. What time?"
"Call me."

"Hey, Fox, what's up?"
"About 40 of my friends are coming in from out of town. Thursday night we're having a party, Friday night we're going to -----, Saturday night we're getting rooms at the ----- Hilton and trashing the place, Sunday is the BBQ. 2PM."
"I have a date Thursday and Sunday. Saturday and Friday nights are good. I'll be there."
"Ditch your date on Sunday, come to the BBQ."
"You're just trying to even out a sausage fest, Fox."
"My boys are in from out of town for the weekend, V."
"And you're hoping I hook up with one or two of them to make sure they have fun."
"Well..."
"Stop who--- crap, I'm at work. You know what I mean. I'll think about it. I don't want to hook up with a bro."
"They're not bros."
"I hope not. I'll think about it."
"2PM. My pad."
"I know."

I like how he doesn't deny it. How he just wants to impress his boys, show them a good time, and he's calling his single female friends to do that. And he knows that if I did hook up with them, that I would be cool with it being a one-timer. Because he knows I'm not batshit clingy or emotional, and I've got a reputation for wildness.

I should get paid for this.

I'm going to dress up, do the make-up, hang out, flirt, spin a few heads, and if I actually find someone worth my sex, then we're solid and, if not, that's fine as well.

Which means I have an excuse for cancelling on Ev. Relief. Because I don't want to sleep with him anymore. I don't want to deal with a recurring partner that I have to play a role for.

Maybe that's why I like one night stands so much.

Maybe?

That is it.

I don't have to be anything that I don't want to be. I get, for once, to be me.