Friday, August 14, 2009

Two bits of mail...


Received two emails that made me "hmm".

One was this morning, through my other blog.

"I just wanted to say that you present a very difficult situation. One that I'm sure I'm not alone in.

"As a woman you present yourself as supremly confident, interesting, and beautiful. You also make it incredibly plain you dont have time for all the attention you receive - to put it bluntly, you are too cool for your own good. You also come off as extremely prickly and standoffish - it's not enough though. You're built to draw in not only those that have a genuine interest in you, but at the same time those 'I could turn her straight' sort of guys. Not that I'm calling you a lesbian, but I'm sure you know that type of guy."

The other was from SFPlayboy in a response to an email I sent him when he told me he had mild concern that I might find myself growing emotionally attached to him due to my monogamous nature. You might recall, gods, like a month ago, me ranting about how a couple of my lovers, past and present, all sprung that same bit on me within a short period of time.


"I suppose if I believed, for a second, that I'd have to tread lightly or you'd get your fingers broken--which is NOT to say you wouldn't handle it; I never wavered in my faith you could and would do that--it was because for such a libertine, you're very comfortable with domestic girlfriend stuff. Shopping for bootlaces and music, sourcing fruit, lounging around. But perhaps my imagination needs a kickstart. Buying shit doesn't need to scream monogamy.

"Anyway. I know you're a pro."

His email made me smile... for multiple reasons. One, the memories of lounging around with him, him reading to me the beginning of Lunar Park on the afternoon I would fly back home, on his couch, legs tossed over his lap. I did love that book.

Two, I am a pro. And if I did manage, for the first time, to fall in love with one of my lovers, I would handle it. It warms me to know that he knows that.

And, three, I am comfortable with doing the "domestic girlfriend stuff" with my lovers. It doesn't give me fantasies of more, I'm just incredibly comfortable and confident in the relationships I maintain with them, to the point of being able to go shopping with them, to hold their hands in public (should it be desired), to introduce them to my family, to take them out to events, hang out with my friends, etc. Because that doesn't signal more to me. I've taken lovers, upon occasion, home to meet my parents because I enjoy their friendship and I have faith that they realize that we're hanging out with my folks (usually at a BBQ or some such event) as a "couple" because I want them to meet my friends and family, because I think they'd get along, because I am comfortable with our boundaries and trust that they will not take family introductions as a not-so-subtle indication of more.

Two views.

One from a man who doesn't know me, but reads my writing. Where I am prickly and much too cool and confident.

Another from a lover, one who knows me, knows parts of me that most people don't (the pick-up, the hunt, the predatory nature, because that's what we do), and still manages to see the casual side.


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