Sunday, August 23, 2009

Well, now I'm not falling asleep in my chair.

A little tired from the events of the weekend, but not verging on passing out.

But... yeah.

I still feel horrible. My Disney-like morals coming to surface.

He had some alcohol in him, I did not.

I was the responsible, aware, and controlled party. When he asked if he could kiss me, I should not have even asked about his girlfriend, but instead just ignored the question or told him no.

And I knew what was happening. We were escalating for a good hour at the least. I just assumed that he would not do anything. I don't know what keys in his personality caused this impression, but there was definitely something that made me think that he would not act on any desire.

Maybe he would not have, if he had been 100% sober.

Not that he was drunk. Just buzzed.

The shouting as his friend walked over to us... yeah, as he walked over and told Sleeve that he was in big trouble and no offense to me, but they had to go. And he apologized and said it was nothing personal, and that he thought I was really cool, but they really had to go.

I felt like a freaking poacher caught in the act.

His friend was looking at me and I knew that he remembered he had told me Sleeve was taken. And I was one of those girls. Yes, one of those girls. Not one of the guys, not someone to be respected and trusted, just a freaking poacher like the lot of them.

I can't believe I did that.

I can't believe I violated nine year streak of living true to my morals when it comes to men in relationships. I can't believe I let a line of how they weren't working out, happy together, whatever it was, "convince" me that it would be okay to touch him. I've heard that line so many times and never acted on it, even lectured the line-giver more often than not.

On the plus side, I think this has slapped me hard enough that it won't happen again.

On the plus side, we were only kissing.

I just... the look on his friend's face. I have to go see that man in a few hours. And I wonder exactly how far that event has spread, if at all. No one would ever expect that behavior from me. I'm safe. I'm always safe. Leave your boyfriends with me, girls, because I'm not going to touch them and I'll watch-dog them.

Except for, apparently, that one.

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