Wednesday, December 9, 2009

And then there was none...

Good Morning V,

I hope you are well and that you continue to be well.

As much as it saddens me to close the door on a future with you I feel the time has come.

You have given your all and your all is going to make some lucky man in your future the luckiest of lucky. Unfortunately, I am not this lucky man.

You are a wonderful person, with a bright future ahead of you. You will succeed in anything you set out to do. You need to be proud of who you are and what you have to offer to this world and those lucky enough to know you. I have much love and respect for you.

I have put countless hours of thought in to whether or not we were meant to be together. Deep thought. Days and day on end of thought. Scenario after scenario playing through my head. We just don't fit, V.

Your future should allow for the possibility of children and marriage. I can give you neither.

We lack common interest on many levels. The age difference does come in to play here.
There's just no way to look the other way and say it doesn't.

Yes, we are very compatible in many ways. However, this compatibility is going to lessen over time. Not just 10 years from now, but days, weeks and months from now.

In the coming year we both are embarking upon new paths. Modified paths perhaps a better way of saying it.

You are going to jump head first in to academia and I am heading in to semi-retirement.
I hope to be out of the country traveling at least 25% of the year when I am not busy trying to live the life of a rock star. You will be spending more time near home and focusing on your school and writing career. We would be growing apart rather than growing together.

I am in my best head space when I am single. I am comfortable with this destiny. I believe in your heart you see this of me as well.

I truly appreciate you giving it your all and continually making me feel special and wanted. I will always look back on our adventures and intimate times with a smile and a special place in my heart.
I just can't go on leaving questions unanswered and allowing us both to turn a blind eye to the fundamental differences that we both know exist.

Be well and drop me a hello every now and then to keep me up to speed on your future triumphs. Your future is brught and please do not ever doubt your abilities.

Much Love and Respect

ps. I will of course drop your laptop and anything else you can think of in the mail once I have your address.

On the white throat of useless passion
That scorched my soul with its burning breath
I clutched my hands in murderous fashion,
And held them close in a grip of death;
For why should I fan, or feed with fuel,
A love that showed me but blank despair ?
So my hold was firm, and my grasp was cruel—-
I meant to strangle it then and there!

I thought it was dead. But with no warning,
It rose from its grave last night, and came
And stood by my bed til the early morning
And over and over it spoke your name.
Its throat was red where my hands had held it;
It burned my brow with its scorching breath;
And I knew the moment my eyes beheld it,
"A love like this can know no death."

For just one kiss that your lips have given
In the lost and beautiful past to me,
I would gladly barter my hopes of Heaven
And all the bliss of Eternity.
For never a joy are the angels keeping,
To lay at my feet in Paradise,
Like that into your strong arms creeping,
And looking into your love-lit eyes.

I know, in the way that sins are reckoned,
This thought is a sin of the deepest dye ;
But I know too if an angel beckoned,
Standing close by the Throne on High,
And you, adown by the gates infernal,
Should open your loving arms and smile,
I would turn my back on things supernal,
To lay on your breast a little while.

To know for an hour you where mine completely——-
Mine in body and soul, my own——
I would bear unending tortures sweetly,
With not a murmur and not a moan.
A lighter sin or lesser error
Might change through hope or fear divine;
But there is no fear, and hell has no terror,
To change or alter a love like mine.


  1. Want me to kick his ass for you? It's been a few years since taekwon-do lessons, but we betas are fearsome when roused to action. Self-righteousness lends us strength.

    It sounds like you put a lot into this, and I think you've done everything you can. I'm not sure if that knowledge is any kind of balm, but...

    Take care of yourself. (Insert Favorite Platitude Here). As always, I'm pulling for you.


  2. Why are these letters always filled with cliches? Why do they always feel so hollow? Already they are distancing themselves. Already you are the past.

    Now is the time for hard liquor.

  3. Dan,

    Aw, thanks. I could just see you driving down here on a mission, wearing huge sunglasses and a bandana.


    If only I drank. At least he's not as distant as I thought... but I'm not sure if that's good.