Saturday, December 12, 2009

Point for me.

Instead of doing the scheduled playdate tonight with RR, to get my comfort sex and physical contact, I've called C and discussed my fears that I'm just looking to fantasize about RR making me feel safe and whole like GV8 did and that it will disappointment me and ultimately make me feel more isolated and alone, especially regarding my fears that I'm never going to find someone that fits me.

I wonder if I can make sex special to me again?

I wonder how long I would have to wait?

It's a step. Hopefully, I think, in the right direction.

Other steps... I've been reaching out to friends when I'm upset, instead of bottling it. Instead of just discussing it in my own head. I'm using my social support network. Craziness.

But I've got two papers to write and laundry to deal with. Soon this semester will be over and I can start my new life in January.


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