Hey GV8,

So... email, I know. Lame. But talking to you messes me up and then I'm all horrible for the next few days. I'd like to request that you don't respond to this email... it would hurt me even more than writing it already has.


You say that our dating window is up, but I don't believe that's true. We still love each other, we still connect. Just because reality interferes doesn't mean that the dating window ends. I think if we get near each other again, it's just going to happen again, no matter what we tell ourselves.

And by both of our own reasonings, it's not going to work. Core value issues.

Each time I talk to you, my hopes get up. Fairies, pixies, leprechauns, all that. Waiting for some magical solution to all this so I don't have to be away from you any longer. It feels so awful to be without you, so gut-wrong. I have to tell myself that my instincts are wrong, that I can't trust myself, and it's not easy.

But you said that's the way it is. Over and done with.

I can't accept that.

There's nothing to be done about it, though. Arguing won't change the way things are.

So until I can accept what you've already accepted, I can't interact with you without damaging myself. There are so many things I need to do this summer to get my life where I want it to be and I won't be able to do it if you're there... but not -with- me. I'm still too in love and too hopeful, still haven't accepted reality.

Kinda sad that I can't knock this fairytale out of my head.

I do love you and I do want you in my life again, even if it means only as friends. But that friendship is just going to blow up in both our faces if I can't get my feelings for you under control and accept that neither one of us is going to be able change enough to make a relationship possible.

So I'm going to take time to myself and try to be happy, healthy, and productive. Learn to be okay with a life that doesn't have you as a main feature.

I will call you when I think I've hit that point, though I don't know how long that will take.

If you need me, for any reason, please call. And if you find a pot of gold and some wish-granting leprechauns, let me know.


I love you. You've given me such a wonderful year with so many amazing memories and experiences, shown me that such deep connection with another person, a thing that I've only dreamed of, is possible. I've learned and grown so much because of you and I'm incredibly grateful for that and all the support and love you've given me. I hope I will continue to do you proud, and when we speak next it will be full of love and friendship.


Many hugs,
V