Friday, April 23, 2010

Hey GV8,

So... email, I know. Lame. But talking to you messes me up and then I'm all horrible for the next few days. I'd like to request that you don't respond to this email... it would hurt me even more than writing it already has.

You say that our dating window is up, but I don't believe that's true. We still love each other, we still connect. Just because reality interferes doesn't mean that the dating window ends. I think if we get near each other again, it's just going to happen again, no matter what we tell ourselves.

And by both of our own reasonings, it's not going to work. Core value issues.

Each time I talk to you, my hopes get up. Fairies, pixies, leprechauns, all that. Waiting for some magical solution to all this so I don't have to be away from you any longer. It feels so awful to be without you, so gut-wrong. I have to tell myself that my instincts are wrong, that I can't trust myself, and it's not easy.

But you said that's the way it is. Over and done with.

I can't accept that.

There's nothing to be done about it, though. Arguing won't change the way things are.

So until I can accept what you've already accepted, I can't interact with you without damaging myself. There are so many things I need to do this summer to get my life where I want it to be and I won't be able to do it if you're there... but not -with- me. I'm still too in love and too hopeful, still haven't accepted reality.

Kinda sad that I can't knock this fairytale out of my head.

I do love you and I do want you in my life again, even if it means only as friends. But that friendship is just going to blow up in both our faces if I can't get my feelings for you under control and accept that neither one of us is going to be able change enough to make a relationship possible.

So I'm going to take time to myself and try to be happy, healthy, and productive. Learn to be okay with a life that doesn't have you as a main feature.

I will call you when I think I've hit that point, though I don't know how long that will take.

If you need me, for any reason, please call. And if you find a pot of gold and some wish-granting leprechauns, let me know.

I love you. You've given me such a wonderful year with so many amazing memories and experiences, shown me that such deep connection with another person, a thing that I've only dreamed of, is possible. I've learned and grown so much because of you and I'm incredibly grateful for that and all the support and love you've given me. I hope I will continue to do you proud, and when we speak next it will be full of love and friendship.

Many hugs,


  1. DAN'S SELF-ABSORBED SIDE: Hey, that's excactly how I felt about...
    DAN'S CYNICAL SIDE: Cue GV8's text/call in 5...4....3...
    DAN: Shut up both of you and help me write something supportive.

  2. You have a lot of class, Poetry.

  3. The next step is to print it out on paper and set it in a bond fire and burn it up. Seeing the words go up in flames could be a physical symbol that you are letting go and ready to put this relationship to rest.

    You might also take a picture as you do it for a memento that you could display on the mantle of your fireplace so that any time you feel weak, you can glance over at it and continue to let it go.

    I havent talked to my guy since Monday night. I was talking to my friend and telling her that he hasnt even called me and it is going to be so hard not to pick up the phone when he does. She pointed out that I will be able to do it one call at a time.

    No one said that giving up on something you felt so deeply about was going to be easy, but the peace and eventually strength that will build in you as you begin to move away from that time and him and resist the old feelings that tell your brain you cant say no, it will get easier. I am proud of you, Sincerely, Sweet

  4. Walking away is always the single hardest thing to do. Even when you know it's right, it still tears at your soul.

  5. Waaaaaaaah... I need my "V" fix! Miss ya. I know there is a story behind this gap in writting....*wink*. Any way hurry back cause I have dotted all my i's and crossed all my t's and I'm having reposting withdraws over here, lol. Take care, Sweet

  6. Dan,

    Hehe, that was cute. I was trying to think of a witty dialogue to shoot back to you, but all I kept thinking was that I really, really wanted a cookie.

    Which worked out, because one of my coworkers brought cookies in the next day. Win!


    Right back at you. :)


    I don't feel like it's class. I feel like I chickened out because I knew I couldn't hold my resolve when I was on the phone with him, which is what I should have done. Ah well.


    I'm not exactly a... fire person. I'm just now getting used to open flames, really. Lighting matches has been a skill I picked up only in the last couple years, because I was always so afraid of burning my fingertips.

    It's interesting that we're both going through this guy battle. You'll have to keep me posted on how many times he calls- you know he will.


    There has definitely been a chunk of mopeage, I'll say that.

    Mag #2

    Weekend was busy, busy, busy. Was posting about it last night, but I started falling asleep while I was typing, so saved it and passed out. It'll be up tonight. Hold on! ;)