Tuesday, June 29, 2010

So you can survive when law is lawless...

I needed to save this comment because I spent entirely too much time laughing while writing it.

I'd link back to the blog I posted it on, but I don't care to generate traffic to sources of asshattery.

I'm not going to argue with you.

See, you're right. All women, -all- of them are cum-guzzling whores or aspiring cum-guzzling whores. That's all we think about (because our brains can only hold so many thoughts at once): semen consumption. Even the lesbians. And when we're not out looking for men to treat us like the whores we desire to be, we're planning the downfall of The Great Patriarchy. Of course, since we aren't as smart as men on a genetic level, we'll never achieve this goal, only mucking up the system- which is simply awful and so self-centered of us, since it was such a good and just system to begin with.

Also, every time we sleep with a new man, not only do we lose an IQ point, our morals drop 3.54% lower, or so Studies Have Shown. Truly. And, on top of that, we develop this extreme fear of stamp collections (also illustrated in those same studies).

We also screen men for alphaness. We carry around social/sexual BINGO scorecards and keep checking off the traits we find desirable, discarding the sad little beta men into a heap of tools we can use to further our previously established ultimate goal of semen-collecting (which, somehow, will allow us to take down The Great Patriarchy, though in what way, greater minds than mine will have to explain).

Speaking of the worthless beta males, as women we have this connection with The Zodiac and Healing Crystals which allow us to suck off the sexual energy of frustrated beta males as we toy with their emotions, as the more desperate and clingy these men become, the more energy they put out, which means we'll be able to level up and respec ourselves into another class and put points into archery or short swords.

As opposed to the great and all powerful Alpha Males we search after, to which our brains turn to mush and our thighs and asscheeks spread. Fortunately, since Studies Have Shown that 20% of men are sleeping with 80% of women and, logically speaking, the average woman has a point-based look of "5", 20% of men are sleeping with women ranging in looks from 3-10. Which means that, as long as we don't have Downs Syndrome and have a BMI of less than 35, we're going to be successfully banging alpha males way out of our range, enough so that, by the time we decide to marry and settle down, even Hair-Lip Sally is going to have at least ten alpha males under her *cough* belt, making her a certifiable cum-guzzling whore (Ten men?! What was she THINKING?!).

Fortunately for us, since all women all the time engage in hypergamy, it's quite standard and expected us to subject innocent, upper-class men to our overused, swollen, unvajazzled vags. Which you think would not be the case. I mean, these men are, of course, quite above us in all ways all the time. They're more attractive, they're more intelligent (of course they are, they're men!), they're more financially stable (why would we want them otherwise?), and their ethics and Christian values make sure that they are always stable, kind, concerned, caring, and upstanding citizens, proud to serve at the head of any PTA or country club. They also only sleep with women they love, because they don't want to sully their bodies with base desires. Oh, and they cherish women. Which is why they so easily believe our lies about our partner-count because, as we all know, all women all the time lie about their partner-count.

Of course we lie. We have no ethics on a genetic level. Why should we? Our value is solely held in our looks, which is backed up, of course, by evo-psych theory. And studies. Lots of studies. Done by colleges. Oh, and Science Journals. Important Science Journals. Because all studies are all correct all the time because there is no error in Science. Ever.

However, our lack of ethics does not matter. We can discard morals, self-respect, respect for others, compassion, experience, empathy, sense of fairness, honesty, integrity, kindness, judgment of character, intelligence (ha!) and honor as well. Those things are for men and boy scouts and add no value to our lives or increase our desirability as potential partners.

In fact, Studies Show (yes, those important studies) that women who lack or have low levels of the traits listed in the paragraph above are more likely to be desirable by the male populace.

But this, Very Important Studies Have Also Shown, is likely a socially cultivated trait so select members of the male populace and sit around and moan in their blogs about how No Woman Is Good Enough For Them and Why All Women Are Whores so they don't have to actually take responsibility for their own actions, justifying their need to continue being whiny little fucks.


  1. Damn. You forgot to mention the female ageing process.

  2. it feels so good to shed the guilt cloak. i think i'm gonna go drink martinis with lesbians now.

  3. this is quite funny, poetry. some of the stuff you mention (especially toward the end) really is questionable. but a lot of the other stuff is not so easy to brush off. your sarcastic agreement to a caricature of these ideas doesn't show that the ideas are faulty, of course. your response comes across to me as though you secretly do agree with a lot of this -- despite feeling uneasy about it. it would be good to get a serious point-by-point evaluation of all these ideas from you sometime.

  4. That's fantastic. If I asked really nicely, would you link me to the original post? Purty-please?

  5. Women are whores and men can do what ever they like because, well they are men. hmmmmm I guess we live in a mans world. I am not even sure if a woman should respond here, lol. It might sound as though we actually agree. Thanks, Suzie Q