Monday, July 26, 2010

I'm unexpectedly and quite rapidly falling in love.

Odd to say, odd to think.

And so fast.

It took me near a year and some change to fall in love with Darkeyes, and even then, it was never full, never complete. Some sort of half-hearted love, carnival-food style love.

GV8, while I adored him, trusted him, respected him, he did not have my love for near six months.

This, this thing with PD which should be a rebound but never was, something that is nowhere near as intense as what I had with GV8...

And each day I look at him, I look at the creases around his eyes as he grins at me and my stomach crinkles up inside me, an unexpected, oddly pleasurable sensation. A sense of things rearranging themselves, of bonding.


  1. It's good to have you back. Hopefully, you'll be able to post more regularly now.

    If you are letting your guard down in this manner, one can assume you have worked out the "Three M's" issues you've mentioned with PD. May we know what the final solution and/or compromises are?

  2. Paul,

    I'm hoping to post more regularly, but things are, as usual, a bit wacky. We'll see how it goes.

    My guard isn't down. I'm still waiting for something to happen, some fatal flaw to be revealed in our relationship. Something. I don't think I'm allowed to be happy for any real length of time.

    As for the "M"s, GV8 broke me of the marriage one. The munchkins bit... I was willing to forgo them for GV8, was ready and able to forget about a life with children, realizing I could do so. So that was taken care of. Monogamy, PD and I will work out when I'm healed from all this GV8 stuff. We've talked about it very, very briefly. Finding a compromise, working within a solution, the possibility of him being monogamous with me if nothing else is working. Knowing that last bit is very important to me, that he would sacrifice that to not hurt me. It helps a lot, and gives me hope that we will be able to work it out. I want him to be happy, too.