I don't blame any of you...

... .... ..... .... <-- this is what my thought bubble looks like right now.

Processing information.

Took my mother out to dinner last night, to talk about my sister and what I'm going to be doing about things mentioned in previous posts.

It went well. Better than expected, actually.

Which is nice.

Basically, I've decided to approach this situation from a different angle.

Damage is being done. Damage has already been done. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen, and it is incredibly self-centered of me to view my opinion as more valid or more correct than my sister's opinion. Anything I do to interfer in how things are playing out will be done with my own views in mind.

And it's not my life, it's hers.

What does matter is minimizing the damage. Is keeping the family together. Is making stress minimal and making sure no one breaks.

This means taking time to stop with each family member and get them out of the house, away from visual reminders of what is going on, and getting them to talk. Through this talk, we de-stress. I get to find out what is bothering each person most, where the weak spots are, and try to cover the fall-out and make sure that as each situation unfolds, as each incident happens, that we stay sane and together. That no one breaks off. That each of them are heard.

I suppose some people might consider this fluffy and girly. Too much psychobabble.

Well, it might be the former two, but psychobabble not so much. People like to be listened to, like to be understood, like that feeling of validation.

And we (my family) need to be kept together. We need minimal damage to our relationships and our sanity.

I am currently the best person to do this because I am the least involved, with the least amount of emotions invested.

That's just the way this panned out.

Of the things I'm good at, taking a blow and doing damage control are high up on the list. Lots of practice.

And my most recent ex emailed me a few minutes ago, with a cover of a song I love. It has been almost a year since we broke up, but only five months since I was able to escape him, to get out from under his psychological warfare and abuse.

I might believe in being friends with my exes, but no, not him. To do so would be showing him that I forgive him, that what he did was okay. I know I will forgive him, I know he was weak and self-centered and it was not with malicious intent, but lack of self-awareness, but I also know he knew he was doing it.

And until he apologizes to me, until he can list what he did and truly understand what it was that damaged me, I have no interest in interacting with him. He's unhealthy to be around until proven otherwise.