Friday, July 24, 2009

I occasionally harass my smoker friends with retardery.

A typical line, from me, would be, "You know smoking is bad for you, right?"

Or, "Hey, they just did this study that shows smoking might be bad for you."

Just these asinine statements that amuse me because they're so incredibly stating-the-obvious and annoying. Because I don't really care.

So, I used the first one on a friend of mine. He had the best comeback ever, that nearly left me rolling around on the floor.

"I've had less cigarettes in my mouth than you've had penis in yours."

C's follow up comment to that, "Wow, that's a pretty accurate argument..." had us howling in laughter.

Now, it's highly unlikely that that is true. He's not a chimney smoker, but it's close enough some days.

I find it strange, that until I started commenting in the pick-up community, I had never been called a slut. At least that I remember. Seeing that, for the first time, directed at me, was a bit of a shock. I think it would be the same as me being called a bitch (in seriousness, as opposed to jest), because I just don't fall under the "bitch" heading.

It strikes me as odd. Maybe it just strikes me. I don't really know where I'm going with this.

I present myself in a particular way. And then I allow the bits of my character that I can't control to flow through that external setting. Information through filter, as much as possible.

Things you will never catch me doing include:

~Mass profanity
~Raising my voice in anger
~Calling someone insulting names
~Having unprotected sex
~Lying about my sexual history or preferences
~Actively misrepresenting myself
~Judging someone in a negative way based on their sexual history or preferences
~Wearing overly revealing, sexual clothing

These things, they aren't my style. They used to be (except for the lying bit, which I've yet to engage in), but they are no longer part of who I am, who I wish to be, or how I wished to be viewed.

I've heard again and again about men complaining that women don't know what they want, especially on a sexual level. That so much of seducing and being with a woman involves trying to figure out what she wants, which is made so much harder because she herself does not know. My male friends tell me these stories about their relationships or sexual encounters, and I get to listen about how miscommunication spurred by a lack of self-awareness and honesty caused some great disaster.

But then others complain about women that are too active.

This year, I've had... hrm, four new sex partners. SFPlayboy, GV8, Dose, and Mr. Brush-off. SFPlayboy and GV8 are ongoing lovers and friends, Dose and Mr. Brush-off were one-nighters. I had two carry-overs from last year, Hardwood Floors and Blond and Studly. Both continue to be, for now, friends.

I know that I play too risky sometimes. I've also settled that down significantly.

Maybe, in the next year or two, I find what I want: two or three guys who live near me that I can happily alternate through, without issue. Because, as I've said, that whole "relationship" thing, not really working for me. I'm a great girlfriend, but now I'm just not looking to fill that role for anyone but someone that fits. Which is hard to find.

Actually, reading over that, that's not what I want. That's what I think I have a greater likelihood of finding. It's also what would help me focus on myself, as opposed to my usual need to submit to the serious man in my life.

And I've totally derailed myself. Typical.

I remember the first time I caught wind of the idea that if a girl talks a lot of sexual game, she's going to be terrible in bed.

I was lying in my bed with this one-night stand (The Rumor, from my Players photo album) from last year, post-sex. He's breathing hard, sweating a bit, both of us on our backs, staring at the ceiling.

He said to me, surprised look on his face, "You're actually good."

I looked at him, "...what?"

"Girls that talk a lot of game are never good. They're always horrible in bed."

"What on earth are you talking about?"

And then he let me in on this theory that, apparently, a lot of males support. I had never heard such a thing before.

Since then, it has continued to crop up in conversation and online.

This was also the man that I went to dinner with who enlightened me to a rather nasty rumor circulating that I had accused a man I refused to sleep with (who was rather pissed about that) of date rape.

This was also the man who sat across the table from me, told me he had slept with 105 women (I was #106, whoo!) and the reason he knew that is because he kept a spreadsheet because his older brother challenged him, years ago, to a "who can sleep with the most women" battle, and it was still ongoing. In this same conversation, he told me that he expected any future girlfriend of his to have had a maximum of two sex partners in their life, because more than two was excessive and slutty.

In regards to the man who I did not wish to sleep with, who was so angered by that rejection, that happens often. Of all the men that have made offers (or simply tried) to sleep with me, I've probably slept with about 3% of them.

Yes, three percent. Shocking, I know. You think my standards would be so incredibly low with my partner count being what it is (which, honestly, I still don't think it's that high).

I can only imagine what would have happened if I said "yes" more often.

1 comment:

  1. I never heard that about a dirty-talking girl being bad in bed. Not consistent with my experience either, such as it is. At a minumum, it means no sexual inhibitions or hangups.

    I don't think you've exhausted all the options available to smokers.