Sudden wave of depression, brought on by exhaustion and hunger.
Driving too hard, wrecking the body, it rears back and stops.
In a month, it will hurt less.
In two, time will start nipping at the edges of your memories.
In four, you'll begin to breathe again.
A year later, he'll still cause a twinge. The regret, the what if, and the if only.
And in two, he'll be an interesting set of stories told to another man whose face you cannot yet see.
Three and four, the years stack, and he becomes a footnote to the men that will come after him, the memories gone, but the stamp he pressed into you is there forever and will manifest in ways that you will not be able to connect back to him, following those breadcrumbs until the birds of time that has passed end your journey.
That's what this is.
The men that have come and gone, the subtle weaving of the lace of your heart, your sex.
My heart, my sex.
It's another loop, another twist to be added into the design, one thread supporting and dictating the actions of another, all of them coming together to form one image.
You.
Me.
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I'm just beginning to breathe again after finally walking away from someone who I was trying to force from "Column A" into "Column B". You're right, it does happen just like that. Even though it feels so very different at the time.
ReplyDeleteAnd absolutely let me know if you're in my neck of the woods again. There's a lot more to Providence than just the clubs (although there are a few great ones here.) Have you been to Boston? Like a bigger Providence, more vibe, but that same "brick apartment" history feel to it.
Boston is on my to-do list, though right now I have no idea when I'll be able to go on another trip. Many life changes are going to be taking place in the next couple of months. I'll let you know when/if I get out there.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm a pro at getting my heart broken. I know all the dance moves. Even when I'm sobbing, I know what is going to happen next in the emotional life-cycle.