Monday, December 21, 2009

Another wonderful way to start off the week:

Waking up wrapped in a fraying, thin blue blanket on the living room floor of an apartment in Venice Beach in a (huge) puddle of your own drool because the sliding glass door was open all night so you ended up with your nose alternately plugging up and running you had to sleep with your mouth open next to a pile of toilet paper because there was no kleenex your sleep deprived self could find at 240AM when you were woken by your own shivers, bleeding everywhere because you must be reminded that you are female once a month, lest you forget.

My life is so glamorous.

So. Glamorous.

Oooh, ooh, an update!:

Continuing on this week's wonderful birth, then you receive a phone call from your mother, in tears, because your father has been on a sleeping medication which is obviously altering his brain chemistry and making him act like he's constantly inebriated, which wouldn't be that bad if your father was a cheery sort of person. But he's not. Also wouldn't be that bad if your mother's father wasn't an alcoholic all of her childhood that would occasionally beat her mother.

Probably isn't that great when your mom is so upset she slips up and calls you the name of her best friend, which makes you realize that you've transcended the normal mother-daughter relationship and gone into that place of equality where both of you are quite human and very lost.

Second update, an hour later!

Better continuing. Called my father. He's going off the deep end. Continues to be convinced that I am the only person who understands him, the only person he can talk to, that the rest of the family is against him, and he's basically going to punish them by punishing himself by taking himself off all the anti-anxiety and anti-depressants and everything else he is currently on so he can revert to his baseline and drive himself into the ground/suicide.

My mom is in pieces. My father is ignoring the doctors. I am the only person he will talk to, and I can tell he's still holding back. He is trying to keep his reality strong, that he is not imbalanced, that his behavior is healthy, and the rest of the world is trying to kill his newfound happiness.

I'm going to leave work in a minute. I might be away from the internet for a bit.

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