Wednesday, December 23, 2009

It's another drive-by blogging.

I really wish I could sit here and do more. Write more. Tell you all what is going on, what this is like. Submerge myself in the memories, the sensations, the experiences, and let it flow.

Maybe I will, later tonight, once my mother goes to sleep.

But I can't leave her alone. I ran out to get coffee, food, and take pictures of the state of the house.

But we're locked out. He's locked us out. I can't get in. Even the second story windows are locked.

We're probably calling the police tonight, to have him committed if we can.

If he convinces them, and my father is a very smart, manipulative man, that he is perfectly fine, then we're screwed. We're screwed for life.

Doctor is of little help. My mother is in pieces. GV8 and a few other friends are keeping me strong, as I have to be strong for my mom and my sister. I don't feel like I'm going to break anymore.

We'll see how things go.

My future, my schooling, is in jeapordy. As is my sister's. As is my mother's. Future, that is. No schooling worries there.

That's really what I'm focusing on, what is upsetting me. I know I've just detached because I hate seeing my mother in such pain. My father has always been a little off. It was a matter of time and circumstances before something happened, though he had been getting better. I was hoping it was over, that he had stabilized and would be able to finally learn to control himself.

And then this sleep medication.

Phone call. Gotta run.


  1. GEEzer aka teluklitik.December 23, 2009 at 6:32 PM

    I would suggest that you and yr mum to be accepting of yr dad's decision, ie separation. No point in opposing him. It's his choice, irrespective of his mental state. So yr mum should start divorce proceedings. You should get yr own place and earn yr own keeps.

    There are many successful single working ladies and single mothers out there. Pour all yr energy into yr career. I think, in America finding love for a girl is like looking for a diamond in a huge mine. Too few good and faithful men, esp in the clubs/bars. ,T__T,

  2. As one who's watcher her parents tear each other to shreds, I feel for you. I hope this comes to a resolution, whether that be a fresh start (well, at least you won't have baggage) or a remodelling of the current situation.

  3. Ellie,

    Thank you for your kind words. We're still looking for resolution, but it seems to be coming up on the horizon, as opposed to how incredibly far away it was just a short while ago.