Thursday, May 20, 2010

And I'm sitting here going "eh, whatever" staring off into the space that is filled with laptop+lamp+empty glass+vertical blinds.

Hit a point of irritation today.

Which is making me start to realize that I'm withdrawing into myself. I'm hermiting.

I'm in this odd area that makes me not want to partner up, but rather just hang out in my brain. Which is new. Ish. I mean, in the past, even if I was dead-set against getting into a relationship, I'd still be actively hunting for a regular bed partner to help keep my lusts in check.

Right now, I'm in a new zone of not wanting a relationship and not caring if I'm getting laid. Mostly want to be left alone. Feeling frustrated. Feeling annoyed. Don't really want to talk.

Part of it is likely because I'm going out so much.

It really is a nearly every night thing.

And it's my own fault for keeping my social groups spread out so much, never linking up.

I have to plan it: I'm going to be in this part of the city for this thing and that person and that other person live in this chunk and I haven't seen the latter in longer than the former so I will schedule them in between this thing and this other thing and then maybe I'll go home, blog, return emails, shower, ride the bike, cook lunch for tomorrow, and pass the hell out. And while I'm commuting between these places, I've got to call another person and maybe a couple more other people to set plans and connect.

So, Monday, I cancelled plans, and today I just forcibly stopped plans from being made. Catch up on things around the apartment. Laundry. Dinner. Cleaning. Going to bed by midnight.

That last one is important.

I could only imagine what having kids must be like. Good-bye sanity.

And there goes the phone...

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