In an odd turn of events, my sister's ex-boyfriend got into my parents' house on Wednesday night and attacked her.
PD is now telling me that he suspects the women in our family have a superpower of making men go insane over long-term vaginal exposure.
I can't really argue with that.
As a side note, lost two public followers in the last two days. Wondering if that's just due to unrelated lifestyle/reading purges or if it's due to this blog suddenly not being about me mooning over GV8, apparently betraying him, losing loyalty, being a woman of easily swayed emotions to so easily leave him and start to love another.
It's not something I find thrilling.
I'm not given to love easily, not romantic love. Nor do I flit from one man to the next. Serial monogamist, yes, but I tend to have months and months between relationships. I've never had so quick a turn around, have not ever left a man for someone else, have not cheated on a partner since I was 17.
Trying not to look too down on myself for meeting PD and swooning over him so easily. It's hard, it's weird, it's not very me.
But, on the other hand, it is the way it is. I met him when I was recovering from GV8 leaving me yet again, met him before GV8 decided to come back and claim me, was already blushing and giggly over him.
I want to be happy. I want to pursue what feels *right* to me and not worry so much of how things look to others.
I know, I know very well that I am not like most other people. So why do I keep holding myself to their storylines?
And, in another side note, one of my favorite people in the blogosphere, Sistasage posted a link to an article I really, really enjoyed. So I thought I'd share.
About Me
- Poetry of Flesh
- Los Angeles, CA, United States
- Love Sonnet XI
Pablo Neruda
I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me,
all day I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.
I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.
I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,
and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,
hunting for you, for your hot heart,
like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.
we were talking at work today about whether or not to give people the benefit of the doubt: deviate from our perceived standards (do that stupid thing) because they are selfish, shallow and judgmental, OR did they do that thing for better, more private reasons we would totally agree with if we knew?
ReplyDeletei like that you debate both judging and being judged in this post.
btw, *blushes and wishes she had used more concise sentence structure in that post*
I don't think addition and subtraction suite the deduction as to why people follow or don't follow a blog. It may more likely have to do with personality types and their habits. Why does a dog suddenly switch toys in play? lol Because he/she can.
ReplyDeleteI find that people of today’s world, have short attention spans. Like a small child, they loose interest rather quickly in, what ever daily rituals they peruse and move on to the next, more dazzling event. Mean while the term "creatures of habit" has all but left the building.
I have struggled with getting readership since day one on my blog, and lately, no one is even commenting any more. I think it has to do with the weather more than my content. I do get discouraged about it sometimes and even set it aside, but these blogs, are important. They are a form of living diary that opens up a slice in the world of another human being. It is about connecting with other people, in many ways. If no one ever reads my blog, it’s ok, because I need to express myself creatively.
So I say, "Blog on!" and the people that want/and or need to read will be here. you don’t need to second guess your validity here; this is your realm, lol. When you just be you and talk about your day, that is the stuff that blogs are made of, that is when the epiphanies are stumbled over, that is when someone else is touched by something you shared, that is a personal connection. How 'bout some of the Poetry that you do so well?
ps, sorry to hear about your Sis is she ok?
Sistasage,
ReplyDeleteAw, don't blush because you're rockin'.
Sounds like you have better conversations at work than I do. We don't really get into philosophy here too much. I know there is misinformation flying around about me now, because of GV8. Things that I can't believe he would ever say because they are so untrue. It's hard to imagine him as a liar. But then, all we have is words here. It hurts to think that some of the people I have connected with on here, built a relationship with over months, if not a year and some change, would be willing to depart potentially because of such judgement. Bothers me a lot.
And I'm rambling. Whoo!
SweetMag,
You're right. It's something I have to remind myself of often. I've been blogging for nearly a decade now, in one form or another. I never did it for the comments, I always did it for myself. When it becomes about the followers, the readers, the attention, it loses what it was meant for in the first place.
PS, I think my sister's doing okay. She keeps to herself, emotionally, a lot.
I've dropped away mostly because I'm trying not to think about relationship stuff (this blog has me constantly finding interesting, yet painful parallels) and instead focusing on work. I briefly tried to see other women, and decided that I'm still so besotted with the ex, I just can't do it. Also having metaphysical thoughts along the lines of "I am simply not meant to feel love & passion". Ie. am Omega. :P
ReplyDeleteGlad to see that, if things aren't 'good', with broken bones and crazies and all, the cloud seems to have a major silver lining, at least.
Nepenthe,
ReplyDeleteI was wondering where you had been, if you were okay.
It's probably not a good idea to start dating right now- certainly not fair to the incoming women, and probably just as destructive to you.
I've had that thought, many times over the years. It was fairly intense at the beginning of last year, if you ever dig back far enough into the blog to see how incredibly emo I was.
It's not omega. It's just a way of coping.
We all do it, in some way or another. Withdrawing or falling into others. It works itself out, and a year from now you may look back at your comments, journals, whathaveyou, and shake your head, smile, and look at the woman beside you.
Honestly, I think that when I feel this way, it's more "accepting the facts" than being emo. It only becomes emo when I start to write on somebody else's blog about it. ;)
ReplyDelete