Tuesday, March 23, 2010

GV8 texted me this morning.

See, the theory was, or so he said, that we were going back into radio silence, until he figured out what he was doing with his life.

Instead, I get a text around 930AM, with a picture he took of me with his phone at a charity event we went to in mid-February.

I sent him back a picture of me sitting my tongue out at him, he made a sexual joke, and I told him I was confused. That we were supposed to be in radio silence mode.

He excused it, saying he was just looking at pictures in his phone and found that one.

No reason for him to send it to me. There was no need.

I told him that I thought it was cute that he missed me. He sent me another picture.

I responded once or twice more... and then I stopped.

I'm not going to do this again. I'm not going to let him get inside my head if he's not allowing me fully into his life. If he wants radio silence, he's going to get radio silence. I'm not going to let his desire for me, how much he misses me, alter the rules he set forth.

This. Is. Not. How. Things. Are. Going. To. Go.

I have too much to do with my life right now, and I'm finally getting on the right path. I can't have him messing that up because he misses me and rationalizes contacting me in whatever way he sees fit. It doesn't work that way. He doesn't get to have parts of me.

When we were talking last night, I found myself flirting with him. I haven't flirted with him in a long time, since we started sleeping together. I... was surprised. I hadn't realized I had stopped, but then I saw the patterns, the teasing, the slight voice change. Getting him to want me, someone I had already had. Never have done that before.

... ... ...

I spent entirely too much time goofing off at work today. Chatting, reading blogs. That totally derails my workflow. I'm usually quite on it, as much as I can be, given the barriers I have to work with.

It's weird for me. This is the first job I've had that I've ever played the simpering beta bitch. It's just so much easier, being silly and helpless, while still getting my work done. The office manager tends towards mass amounts of micro-management, and it's all I can do to not lose it when dealing with her at times. It's pretty ridiculous.

Dinner with friends, earlier, talking with a fellow anony-blogger on the phone while I did the commute to the restaurant. I'm cat-sitting for a week, starting Thursday. Awesome cat, totally solid, knock him on his ass with a good pet and he's purring a storm. Still have the desk in pieces in front of my fireplace, but two of the four mini-papers are done. Other two tomorrow night, after dinner with one of my exes.

Yeah, seeing Rick for the first time in about four years or so.

We talk on the phone, but I've only seen him once that I can remember since we broke up just after my 22nd birthday. I still have a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that he got married last year, has four step-children and a houseful of animals. Like, near zoo-style.

He's one of the most amazing men I've ever met, and I count myself lucky that I dated and lived with him for a little over two years. He is my sounding board now, someone I call when I need my head set on straight or need to figure out a way to understand another person's point of view. I was hoping that we'd be closer friends now, but it's hard for him, what with a large family and lots of responsibilities.

I still hear the smile in his voice when he tells me he never expected how his life turned out. Never expected to be taking his step-son to little league, dressing up his youngest step-daughter, having family meals, etc.

I'm glad he was able to heal from his childhood. Glad he found someone who could patch those holes in him that he never realized he had.


  1. Speaking of patching holes, what are you doing next weekend, wink wink. Wink.

  2. FYI, I'm going to blame the alcohol in your system at time of posting, but still bring this comment up from time to time to make fun of you.

  3. How would it be to just not answer one of his texts....I wonder if he enjoys the persuit more than the conquest. Like if you ignored him he would chase you down at the mere thought that he may just be loosing your attention. Maybe even a response such as, listen hun Id love to chat but I really am booked right now and I will have to get back to you when I can check my schedule and Ill be sure to pencil you in when I do. Tee Hee. Dont mind me I guess I am just being a bit of an imp. It will all get better in time, Yours Truly, Sweet