Thursday, March 4, 2010

Send help.

GV8 has asked me to get opinions for him on a particular topic we discussed last night.

See, I called him because we haven't talked in a few days because I've been trying to give him space because his life is rather crazy right now and he doesn't need another thing demanding his time and focus, so I texted him in the afternoon to schedule "phone time" with him in the evening, you know, check his availability and all.

I also wanted to ask him two favors if he decides that he's more suited for the bachelor life.

Favor #1: Don't tell me via email or other written word, such as text. Written words stay with me much longer and have much more impact than audible ones. Also, it makes me paranoid to check my email.

Favor #2: Do it on the weekend, or at least Friday night. I mean, really, this is just polite. The last three relationships I had end were all ended during the week and it completely interrupts my workflow and productivity levels. I can't afford to be making mistakes, especially in this field. It's just no good.

So I relay these two requests to him and he, of course, starts laughing his ass off at my parameters of break up.

I told him it was because I know he loves me, cares for me, doesn't want to hurt me more than he has to, so it was like giving me my helmet and chinstrap for when he felt like emotionally booting me in the head.

He did not give that analogy proper acknowledgement, and I think that's kinda sad because, for an off-the-cuff-I'm-bloody-exhausted analogy, it wasn't bad.

As we furthered the break-up parameters, it also appears that he cannot break up with me while we are sky diving, scuba diving, having sex, or on an impromptu trip to Vegas. And I would have to give him break-up windows of time, and then turn off my phone, so he would be stuck with me forever.

Needless to say, he spent a good twenty minutes making fun of me for giving him Parameters In Case of Break Up.

I defended my stance while threatening various not-actually-threatening bits of physical harm, he continued to laugh.

So I'm supposed to gather feed-back on the idea of break-up parameters. Things that you would like to request if someone was going to break up with you, things that might have happened in previous break-ups that could have been done better. Maybe things you've done where you're like, "Uh, that wasn't the nicest/politest idea I've ever had," or "That could have been handled better".

And then I will send them to GV8 and he will read them and stop laughing at me for my (very reasonable) requests.


  1. that's really cute.

    i broke up with someone mid-roadtrip, and moved to vancouver because i didn't want to stay in the vehicle with them.

    i broke up with a boy right before his finals and right after a fistfight with his dad. he ended up getting kicked out of school from the stress (but got back in later, all's well and an anthropology degree).

    i was dumped the day after my good friend died. while that sounds terrible, it wasn't actually that bad; i didn't really trust the person anyway.

    oo! best one: if we're involved in a dating triad, don't avoid me and monopolize the other person's time until i break up with you, k, thanks. once was enough on that front.

    i'll bet there are worse stories...

  2. If you're in a long distance relationship, don't break up with him/her when he/she is in town for a weekend, visiting you.

    Just not nice. (They'll be stuck with you for the rest of the visit, and it will be bad and messy.)

    Didn't happen to me, but it was what my bf did to his ex before we got together..

  3. And *this* is the difference between women and men. ;-)

  4. My break up criteria is simple, do it quickly and cleanly and before someone ends up dead or is hospital. Men usually prefer women to do the deed, but In my most volatile relationship I have just escaped on the first flight out of town before she had me shot. It always ends badly so there is no point in prolonging it.

  5. I understand the email request, and asking him to have consideration to wait until the weekend. :) I once avoided my email for four days, when expecting bad news, and told someone that I wasn't going to check my email (or deal with them at all) until my birthday had passed, so that I could enjoy said birthday with my family. That time was important to me, and I didn't want to be any more of a mess than I already was.

  6. There is something eerily preposterous about your "conditions."

    Since when do we have a say in it?
    Since when do we dictate when our heart is wound through the clothes washer?

    C'mon Poetry.
    Why don't you be a man about this.
    You. It's your move.

    You can't go on cushioning your own demise.
    That's lame.

    Don't be such a pussy.

  7. The Problem with making requests for parameters during a break-up is that there is an underlying issue in your relationship that has not been resolved to your satisfaction or you would not be continuing to prolong the inevidible.
    You want a serious relationship and he wants to remain a batchelor yet continue to see you. The real question is are you willing to continue with things the way they are or have you come to a point in your life where you have made a desicion to stop accepting less than what you need.
    If you keep letting him have things the way he wants them, nothing will ever change. If he wants to be your man he should want to be your man enough to be comitted to you only.
    I have a man that says he loves me and wants to be with me, yet his actions show that he is self centered.I keep asking myself why I continue to entertain the notion that there is a chance for us at all.
    I think the answer to this is that you have the ability to stop the rollar coaster ride and get off whenever you choose to do so. It is your precious life and time that should not be wasted. You dont have to fall apart if this relationship ends, you can hold your head up high, because he will be loosing the best thing that ever happened to him.

  8. sistasage,

    You've got more balls than I do, with that Vancouver thing. Jeez. I don't think I could do that unless things were really, really bad.


    That's why I'm always very cautious when visiting people from far away, or having potential interests visit me. You never know what you'll get landed with.


    Honey, there's more than just this difference between women and men. ;P


    I'm not sure if I should be jealous or relieved that my life has been no where near as interesting as yours.


    That's a lot of self-control. Whenever I expect bad news, I continuously check my email, looking for it so I can not work myself up overmuch in advance.


    It's not cushioning as much as communicating. As illustrated, he didn't listen. It's just requests. And I made my move, tried to start taking myself back. If it works in the long run... who knows? Probably not.


    Everything you said is very true, but hard for me to deal with, as it means losing him. Losing him, losing myself, can't have both, apparently.