Monday, June 7, 2010

I wanted to take a moment between things to thank everyone for their support in comments and emails, and the occasional phone call from the rare few of you that have my number.

I'm... actually... fine.

I feel good.

Yes, there has been some crying. Mostly grief, I think. Grief for what we had and what it turned into, the loss of a good relationship, a good friendship.

He was exactly what I needed when I met him. He helped me through some difficult times and helped me grow so much as a person, faster than I would have on my own.

But that's over.

We have, as he said to me a few months ago, passed our dating window.

He'll always be able to push my buttons, make me want him, to some degree.

But... I don't love him anymore. I care for him, sure.

But no love. Respect is fading. Trust is gone.

In some ways, he's so amazing and experienced. He takes care of things, harnesses reality and makes it his.

But when it comes to relationships... he doesn't have enough experience, and it shows. He missed me, he wanted me, he dangled what would make me jump back into his arms. He didn't think it through, didn't take into consideration my happiness.

I mean, he did to some degree. Sending me back to school, giving me the time to write my book, puruse getting my body into its best shape, giving me control over my time.

So valuable.

Time is precious.

But he did not think further.

And he's so dominant, it's hard to not just naturally bend to him.

But there are things I can no longer excuse. Behaviors that do not work for me, and not just his need to sexually roam.

Some people just don't fit.

And I've finally accepted that.

In the last couple weeks, before GV8 came crashing back into my life, I met someone. I actually met someone. Someone I have things in common with, someone I might truly fit with. Someone who is an amazingly good person. Who values me.

Who kept his phone by his bed Saturday night, knowing that I would likely call and need a shoulder to cry on.

Who picked it up when it rang at midnight-thirty, talked to me as I drove to his home, curled up in bed with me and let me talk.

He makes me happy.




End: Chapter One

4 comments:

  1. Yea...I was wondering about that...you left those gaps in your story....the possibility that not all was as it appeared. I had this feeling there was something missing. The leap from the date to the proposal was awkward. It almost feels like a tug-a-war with you in the middle. Do the past and present gents know each other? Hopefully not. Hopefully PD has sincere intentions. Hopefully GV8 will remove his "blog". I feel just a little duped at this moment.Hopefully you will finally be able to look forward and not back. I wish you the best, As always, Sweet

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  2. I'm glad to hear you're not in as bad shape as I thought.

    Take a bit of time to think about what you want, your head must be reeling at present.

    Although I appreciate I probably don't have (and indeed don't need to have) the full story, I feel a bit sorry for GV8. I agree though that there was no point in letting things develop any further given your feelings as outlined above. It is kinder to him & to yourself in the long run to make the break now, and it must have taken a lot of courage on your part to do so.

    But it has to be a final break now. GV8 must be out of the picture. You can't both keep messing with one another's heads.

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  4. Horrible. You're a narcissist.

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